I had a couple of things that I had been thinking about writing about today, but I just received a parting gift and card from my coworkers at the job I am leaving.  I also just completed an exit survey for my supervisor. And I can’t help but think I’m doing the wrong thing. I’m sure it’s just buyer’s remorse, or a fear of change, but I want to explore it a bit.

I started this job eight months ago with the intention that I would stay at least in this city forever after.   However, I still found myself applying for jobs within a few weeks after starting. I think it was just a holdover from the full-court press I’d been doing at the time I accepted this position.  I had applied for so many jobs before leaving my last job that when I received this job offer, I had to ask for an extension on accepting the offer because I had three interviews scheduled over the following two days.

But looking at my documents, I can see a period of at least three months where I must have made a decision that I was just going to settle in here and just enjoy my life for awhile.  And then my coworker, who I knew was actively looking for other work, mentioned to me that there was a firm in Battle Creek that had posted a job. And when I looked at the position, it felt meant to be. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard of this firm; in fact, it wasn’t the first time I’d reached out to this firm looking for an opportunity.  So I applied, assuming that nothing would come of it as nothing had come of so many other applications.

But it didn’t. And I felt like I was cheating on my current job when I’d ask for time off to go interview with them.  But I felt that it would be the right thing to do, from the moment I first stepped into the office.

Then this thing happened that I cannot stand about humanity.  It happens when people die and when people leave jobs.  All of a sudden, people become free to express their appreciation for another person.  That or they realize that they appreciate someone that they hadn’t really made a judgment about previously because they took them for granted.

For the first time since I’ve had this job, people really started talking to me. Maybe they just hadn’t known what to talk to me about before, and now all of a sudden they know something about me. It makes things very complicated, because I definitely had the feeling that people here were kind of stand-offish. But maybe it was me all along.

There are certainly things that I would improve or wish had been done differently here, but I think that’s true of any job.  Nothing and no one is perfect.  In the end, I have to remind myself that two years as a law clerk is enough. And I can still see these people in the future; I will come to file paperwork and represent clients in hearings. And now people will really be able to ask me questions about myself and we can engage on an even deeper level than we had before.

At least I’m leaving on a high note!

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